Offense or Forgiveness? – that is the question
Offense. We are surrounded by it. It is the spirit of the age we live in. It’s everywhere we go. On social media, at work, on the playground, at the beach, in the parking lot, on the freeway/highway and even at church. Forgiveness seems to need to be earned before given.
The other day I was driving with my daughter and I thought I had the right of way where I was driving. The woman coming up around the same time also felt she had the right of way. Honking her horn, she threw her hands in the air…obviously throwing some kind…or not so kind… words my way, making it very clear she felt I was in the wrong. Whether I was or not I backed off and did an “I apologize” gesture and waved her to go ahead. Although she was allowed to go and even had an apology, she still kept ranting as she drove past, clearly offended, unwilling to let go of the offense in the moment.
But it’s just SO hard!
Forgiveness. It can be SO HARD. I’ve been there…in that same place this woman was, unwilling to let go of offense in the moment, even after an apology. I just wanted to get some of my frustration out at the other person…whether they knew it or not. If I just stayed angry in my heart a few days longer, I WOULD feel better…I just knew it. But, a few days went by and the offense was just getting stronger instead of subsiding. It’s interesting how that works. (See my Blog Post on Marriage if this has been a difficult area for you with offense and forgiveness).
Merriam Webster’s online dictionary defines offense as:
“the act of displeasing or affronting;
the state of being insulted or morally outraged”
I mean that outrage has some serious power; if we let it. Whether it is your spouse, your child, a co-worker, boss, friend or someone on social media, that moral outrage feels like our life calling, at times, doesn’t it?
What does Scripture say?
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:12-14
I was thinking after reading this passage how much easier forgiveness is when we do what these verses say at the beginning. “Clothe yourselves with kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” If we clothe ourselves, meaning 
to be fully enraptured in these qualities as your clothes are wrapped around you, then don’t you think that forgiveness will be a likely next step when someone insults you or morally outrages you? Won’t you WANT to turn the other cheek and not try to defend yourself to your last breath? If you are filled with kindness and humility, will you not choose to suffer for the sake of another, especially for Christ who was the greatest example of this? If you are gentle and patient, will you not choose to release the person from your grip of anger much easier than before you clothed yourself with these good qualities?
The Example of a Child
My youngest son is 8 and has autism. He also has a developmental delay and so thinks very simply. When someone hurts his feelings, he gets very incensed at their choice to do so, but as SOON as they say sorry it’s as if the whole world was brought back into harmony again and he simply says: “I forgive you!” with an uplifted lilt to his voice. All is right in his world once again.
I long to be like my son, to have it be that simple every time. What an example of love and forbearing he is. What keeps me from this? I wonder: am I lacking some compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness or patience? Have I forgotten how much I was forgiven for, without punishing me over and over again after I have apologized? You see, God isn’t like us. When we have repented, He forgives us and we are set free.
Matthew 18:21-35 is the story of the Unmerciful Servant. One I encourage you to take the time to check out and study on your own.
Do you need to forgive someone today?
Who are you having a hard time forgiving today? Did someone hurt you? Hurt your child? Or like me, have you had someone spread lies about you or gossip about you to others, not asking for verification of truth from you before going to leadership? Have you been slandered? Or maybe it was something much worse? If you have gone through suffering I highly suggest the blog My Refiner’s Fire. It gives amazing insight into how to see suffering in the light of eternity.
Health and Unforgiveness
You can search the internet for stories on how forgiveness has caused disease, prevented healing or other various things.
John Hopkins Medicine wrote an article and in it I found a very interesting quote:
“Studies have found that some people are just naturally more forgiving. Consequently, they tend to be more satisfied with their lives and to have less 
depression, anxiety, stress, anger and hostility. People who hang on to grudges, however, are more likely to experience severe depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as other health conditions. But that doesn’t mean that they can’t train themselves to act in healthier ways. In fact, 62 percent of American adults say they need more forgiveness in their personal lives, according to a survey by the nonprofit Fetzer Institute,” according to https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/healthy_aging/healthy_connections/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it
This is a physical issue. It is a spiritual issue. A VITAL issue. The more you hang on to what someone did to you, the more you throw them on your back and carry them everywhere you go. They will affect all your other relationships, they will affect your work-life, home life and social life and even your health. Most importantly, they will affect your relationship with Jesus. It will make it harder to connect with Him as you will be walking in disobedience.
A Tall Glass of Water
Bring on the cool Lord, bring on the cool!
